Conflicting advice confuses teenager

Dear Abby: I’m a 14-yearold girl. I don’t understand why adults tell me to be an independent thinker, to embrace myself, and then put me down for not conforming. Why is it outrageous to come to your own conclusions, speculate, challenge accepted ideas or find your own faith?

Should I deny myself as an individual and be pulled along, or is it better to stay quiet and just be who everyone expects you to be? Independent Thinker In Florida

Dear Independent Thinker: Independent thinkers are the people who have contributed the most to society. Our most important scientific discoveries were conceived by individuals who chose not to accept conventional thinking. The same is true for religion — Jesus was an independent thinker.

I’m not sure what kind of conversation you feel the adults in your life are trying to discourage. But people who are deeply committed to their religious faith can feel offended or threatened if their beliefs are challenged. Even though you are an independent thinker, you should be respectful of the beliefs of others.

Dear Abby: Around the time of my sister’s wedding, she and her fiancé, “Greg,” tried to get me and their best man, “Bruce,” together. They brought him along when they would visit and encouraged us to date. Not long after the wedding we did start dating.

Bruce is a great guy and I enjoy being with him. My problem is, he’s my brotherin-law’s nephew even though they are close in age. (Bruce’s mom is Greg’s half sister.)

Am I dating a family member? Are we committing incest? Should we end this relationship? Weirded Out In Wisconsin

Dear Weirded Out: Bruce is not a blood relative; he is related to you by marriage. That is not the same as incest. If you care about each other, the right thing to do is continue the relationship.